I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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