You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize