I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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