They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
