i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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