so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
