He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This baby is an asshole
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
