So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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