so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize