I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
