We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
