you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
