were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
