Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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