O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
