drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
