you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize