The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
