I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
