I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We smell like vodka and hangover
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