i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
