When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
