guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
