so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
