She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
