So drunk its hurt
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
