i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
