i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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