are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
