i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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