Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize