it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
