Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
FUCK WHALES
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
