I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
