my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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