My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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