god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
