I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
