my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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