But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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