I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize