I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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