Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
