I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
