I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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