Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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