now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
