Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
