I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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