walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You are a genius and a whore.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
