they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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