I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
