you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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