She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
