We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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