addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
