Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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