Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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