ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
