She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I love you. Go after that dick
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
