why didn't you poke me back
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
