I got chris browned last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
