We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
