what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
