i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize