in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
