those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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