Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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