So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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