Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im holly from the hills drunk
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
