Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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