that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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