Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
