I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
drinking out of a sandbucket again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
