The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize