I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
