i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
