I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
