The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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