I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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