Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
