mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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