shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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