I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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