Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
