I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
