your thong is hanging out like whoa
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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