It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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