Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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