I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
