Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
