he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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