She announced her abortion via fbk
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
