I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
