I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
