Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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