she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
