my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
