yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
