Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
