im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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