Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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